Fellow Explorer, Eleven-O

Eleven-O and I had lunch today. I asked him if I could share this on my blog and he said yes. Saying Yes is his spiritual path. Sometimes I listen as he tells his life for clues to mine. I look for clues in him. Sometimes I think he has the key to the whole universe. Not because he looks like Yoda, he does not. It is because I think that maybe he knows where to look.... everywhere.

Eleven-O is starting clown school today. He will not recieve his bulbous nose until he passes a serious clown test.



He titled this WHITE NOISE

i seem to affect electrical devices around me. especially when i am in a heightened emotion, like extremely scared or extremely elated. i have two friends back in sacramento. there's something about the three of us, when we're together, magic happens. funny, that they both have phoenix tattoos. makes me think i need one. during my "crazy" lady macbeth days the electrical changes in whatever environment i occupied were unreal. it happened often. if it wasn't light bulbs flickering, tv people talking to me, radios blasting on with no power source, or street lights going out when i walked through them, it was dishes breaking (almost every time i went out to eat, something would break, and always during a moment punctuated by me, enough for me to become extremely paranoid), things spilling, children crying, or animals dying. this bird flew into the window of the cafe i was working at, right after an interaction i found unpleasant, the bird was stunned, it stayed in place, on one of the outdoor tables, one foot bent, shaking, drooling, before it fell. and maybe that's all it was, paranoia. me so afraid of affecting people, feeling like i was being looked at under a search light all the time, like someone was watching to see how i would interact with others, spreading what it was i was spreading. so, yes, i was very manic. and vibrating high, too high maybe. and so were two of my friends, one night, after drinking martinis, the three of us, the special trinity, haha, were laughing and screaming, being totally out of control, and i'm freaking out kinda, because not even under the influence of alcohol does lady macbeth let go of me, and there's something not right, but it's fun, i'm glad that i'm able to laugh. my friend lauren, starts screaming like a banshee, out of nowhere, and this old fashioned, floor radio blasts on, and it's talking about god, something about the end days, and shaun, it's his house, starts hurling around holding his head, how the fuck did that go on, it's not even plugged in!, he's screaming, the god radio is still talking, i'm scared, i think i did it, everything, things seem to be breaking, the world, and lauren, laughing stumbles to bed, like she's seen it a thousand times before. leaving me alone watching shaun scared, of me it seems, or of what we've done. i feel responsible so i say nothing. i just go to the bathroom to stare at myself.