Note to Self- Whatever I Pay Attention to Grows

I show movies in my mind about what I think is going on in my life. Where ever I shine the light, or keep the 'camera' becomes more important in the movie. It is time for a new camera angle.
I have been avoiding the cold nasty coastal winds by staying inside. I have been thinking about how cold it is out there. I will now think how warm my coat is. I put on that coat and I am my own little walking warm current of warmness and warmth. Also my hat.
There are some people I do not call. It seems like there is a gulf between us, a deep, wide chasm; an abyss, created by all the other times I did not call. I have to change that feeling, that picture to a happy hello, to the way if feels to shake a friends hand that you have not seen for awhile. again it is about warmth. I enjoy the warmth of a friends hand.
The other day on TV I saw a woman with beautiful long hair. Important note to self....... your hair does not do that! Get a hair cut. You will like it when you wear your hat and coat. And stop putting your hair behind your ears.
My son's wife has a very good 'now'. She does everything now. I have a very good 'later'. Later seems like the perfect time to so anything and something. I bring the camera in on NOW.. Now is all warm and lit up. Now I am doing the things I might want to do later. Now and I are shaking hands, feeling the warmth. The comfort of now. I will enter it.

Nothing for me today, thank you. Just Coffee

I fixed myself a cup a coffee.

And then my inner waitress asked, "Would you like to blog with that?"

"No thank you. I am fine. No blog today."

All Charges Were Dropped Against the Easter Bunny

Remembering the day the Easter Bunny got into a fight at the mall

Yesterday I met Dandi Lion Elf Breeze for lunch. I had salami and she had veggie pizza. Then we walked around a little bit. We strolled. Pastels in the store windows reminded me of about 6 years ago when the rabbit got in a fight at the mall and it was on the news. I asked her about it but she did not remember.

It was back in the days when Julia Butterfly was in the tree and all it did was rain. Those days felt heavy to me. I had been sick for a year. I knew I would get better but I did not know when. I did not know when the rain would stop.

Then this happened.

The Easter Bunny was at the Mall visiting with the children and everyone was having their picture taken. There was a line. Moms and Dad and kids all waiting to see the Bunny.
One mom, who maybe was not a good mom, or maybe was having a hard day, was being mean to her kid. Yanking the kid by the arm and saying "Don't be stupid." or some other spirit evaporating thing"
The Easter Bunny got out of its chair and said to the mom, "Hey this is the Easter Bunny line, only kindness in the Easter Bunny line" and when to sit down and smile that picture taking smile with the next kid.
The mom got meaner to the kid and smacked it on the head. The Easter Bunny jumped into Super Hero action and stood between the mom and the kid.
The mom pushed the Easter Bunny and the Easter Bunny pushed the mom back.
The mom smacked the Easter Bunny and the Easter Bunny smacked the mom back.
( There are no pictures of this.)
So the Easter Bunny and the mom are going at it. This was not a Zen Rabbit, one who knew how to 'Be Peace" It was an Action Rabbit who was, I must say at a disadvantage with the large head that sort of turned on its own when there was a lot of movement.
Any how, first Mall Security came. Then the Police and then the News Crews.
I followed the story and in time all charges were dropped against the Rabbit.

I knew then that I had moved to the right town.

( In writing this I wonder more about the kid.... what is it like to see your mom duke it out, or maybe in the kids view, be attacked by the Easter Rabbit? )

Some Thoughts on Spiritual Paths

The focus of a spiritual path changes.

Your job in life is to be you. If you seek to be like someone else the world will suffer from a lack of you.

It helps to pay attention to what scares you for that is where the next step is to be found.

It helps to pay attention to what delights you and makes you smile that effortless full face smile, for that is where the next step is to be found.

It helps to not want to change for change is addictive. To be in the energy of "always becoming" is to not exist at all. To be is to be. Waiting until you lose 10 pounds or see God is a waste of time.

It helps to not think you know, but to be willing to be surprised.

It helps to allow for new evidence that may contradict old evidence and let all data have a party.

There are two gifts we give the world. One is that which we are or do so easily we do not see it and the other is that which we work like a dog to learn.

The focus of my spiritual path today is Time Management and the art form of Completion.

Fellow Explorer, Eleven-O

Eleven-O and I had lunch today. I asked him if I could share this on my blog and he said yes. Saying Yes is his spiritual path. Sometimes I listen as he tells his life for clues to mine. I look for clues in him. Sometimes I think he has the key to the whole universe. Not because he looks like Yoda, he does not. It is because I think that maybe he knows where to look.... everywhere.

Eleven-O is starting clown school today. He will not recieve his bulbous nose until he passes a serious clown test.



He titled this WHITE NOISE

i seem to affect electrical devices around me. especially when i am in a heightened emotion, like extremely scared or extremely elated. i have two friends back in sacramento. there's something about the three of us, when we're together, magic happens. funny, that they both have phoenix tattoos. makes me think i need one. during my "crazy" lady macbeth days the electrical changes in whatever environment i occupied were unreal. it happened often. if it wasn't light bulbs flickering, tv people talking to me, radios blasting on with no power source, or street lights going out when i walked through them, it was dishes breaking (almost every time i went out to eat, something would break, and always during a moment punctuated by me, enough for me to become extremely paranoid), things spilling, children crying, or animals dying. this bird flew into the window of the cafe i was working at, right after an interaction i found unpleasant, the bird was stunned, it stayed in place, on one of the outdoor tables, one foot bent, shaking, drooling, before it fell. and maybe that's all it was, paranoia. me so afraid of affecting people, feeling like i was being looked at under a search light all the time, like someone was watching to see how i would interact with others, spreading what it was i was spreading. so, yes, i was very manic. and vibrating high, too high maybe. and so were two of my friends, one night, after drinking martinis, the three of us, the special trinity, haha, were laughing and screaming, being totally out of control, and i'm freaking out kinda, because not even under the influence of alcohol does lady macbeth let go of me, and there's something not right, but it's fun, i'm glad that i'm able to laugh. my friend lauren, starts screaming like a banshee, out of nowhere, and this old fashioned, floor radio blasts on, and it's talking about god, something about the end days, and shaun, it's his house, starts hurling around holding his head, how the fuck did that go on, it's not even plugged in!, he's screaming, the god radio is still talking, i'm scared, i think i did it, everything, things seem to be breaking, the world, and lauren, laughing stumbles to bed, like she's seen it a thousand times before. leaving me alone watching shaun scared, of me it seems, or of what we've done. i feel responsible so i say nothing. i just go to the bathroom to stare at myself.

Molly the Dog

Molly lives in Texas.

I have never met Molly she comes into my knowing when I do readings for her steward. She greets me at the psychic door tail wagging.

I do not know why but Molly is the animal I read the clearest.

Molly busted into a reading I was doing for her person and asked a question very important to her. "Where do I go?" She was serious and a bit frantic.

"What do you mean where do you go? Show me." I thought back to her.

"I am in the car and then I am not. Where do I go?"

She showed me a picture of her riding behind the drivers seat where she could enjoy air from the open window. Sitting being happy, getting air. She shows me her person using an emergency tone of voice, "Molly where are you?" And Molly tells me, "What does she mean where am I? I am right there. I am in the car."

"Yes, Molly. You are in the car. She just wants you to be where she can see you."

"I am always there?" asks Molly, not sure about what could happen.

"Yes you are always there. She wants to see you."

I tell the person, "When you are driving and Molly sits behind you ask her to come to the front seat. Don't ask her where she is. It makes her think she is not there because she does not understand how you could not know she was right behind you."

Molly's person laughs. "Yes I guess the stress from work is still in my voice and I worry when I can not see her. She comes into the front seat with her ears down and I always check to see if she was chewing back there."

"Her ears are down because she thinks she went invisible or something. Just ask her calmly to come to the front so you can see her with your eyes."

Molly, in Texas, at her feet while she is on the phone, looks up at her.

Wash the PIg, Ignore the Self....... The Value of Side Shows

I always think there is a way to do anything. Anything is possible. There is a difference between possible and probable.

It is said you can not wash a pig in the mud but then I think, suppose you got a power washer, no that makes more mud. Well, suppose you put on very tall boots and cleaned off that pig with handi wipes? How about if you dried him with a hair dryer and brushed the mud off of him? How big is that mud puddle? Is it year round? Where does the pig get its food? Will it leave the mud puddle to eat? What if you put an apple at the other end of the yard and the pig would go to eat it and then you blocked off the mud puddle and the pig would just get clean by itself?

When the magician waves his left hand in the air it means that you might have wanted to pay attention to his right hand a nano second ago. That is were the action was.

The question creates the answer. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? How about do I want to be safe? Do I feel safe? If I change will I be safe? What might happen if I change my method of operation?

What if I let the cat out of the bag? Which leads me back to the pig, a pig in a poke. The cat was in the bag because it was being sold as a pig at a time when only rich people were able to eat high on the hog. It was a scam. An Illusion. A poor scam guy, probably one of my ancestors, would put a pig in a pillow case, go to the market place, wave another poor guy (also of my lineage) into an alley and ask him... "Hey want to buy an illegal pig?........ no checks, cash only." The other guy would think 'oh boy.. food!" and pay a very reasonable price, which always helps in a scam. Quickly as to not get caught the deal goes down. The buyer runs off to open the poke and presto chang-o the pig has turned into a cat. And no one is really happy. It is not easy being a scam artist. You come back as a person with an unexplainable need to wear clothes from the 80's.

So where was I? I was looking for the real question. Today's real question is: What is not being seen?

What is the last thing I want to see? What do I fear?

Ugly Chewing

I am in a war with someone over control. I am losing. She will not give an inch.

This is not the problem. The problem is I can not put it down. My resistance to her resistance eats away at my time.

Months and months ago the house across the street had a fire. Two type A rats from the burned house took refuse in my home. My daughter's old boy friend who lived with me for four years after she moved out, ( it was a very big house), killed one of the rats by quietly dropping a recliner on it at three in the morning. The widowed remaining rat moved into my bathroom and lived under my sink, inside of a cabinet that had some excellent acoustic qualities. The sink was possibly made of the same wood that cellos are made of. The rat would start to chew on the wood every night starting at exactly 3:17 AM until 5:30ish AM, safe from falling recliners.

My thoughts remind me of this rat chewing.

There was another woman. She was eating a cucumber and she said to me, "I just love cucumbers. They have so much vitamin E." She said a lot of things like that. Her inner Google had a virus. She was often wrong and also time warped. She talked about Nixon as if he lived nest door to her just yesterday.

One time she said she did not understand why people liked to celebrate Easter. "Why would everyone celebrate the day Christ died?"
"Could it be that Easter is the day he rose from the dead?" I asked her. "No" she said. "I think it is the day he died." "OK" I said.

But for days I wondered how it is we learn things. A quick lesson from a Hallmark Store might have informed her. Rabbits and eggs and hats or knowing a church person or seeing a movie. We live in a Christian culture. How did she not absorb the myth? How is that possible? It was beyond me. Absolutely beyond me. Rat chewingly beyond me.

When she said cucumbers have vitamin E I did not say anything. I did not say, "There is NO vitamin E in a cucumber."

I carried that none statement around in my head like a letter you need to mail for three weeks. It just stayed in my active statement file. It festered
like a burp that won't burp or worse. It created an air pocket and a prayer. "Oh my God, there is no E in a cucumber."

Little things like that. A different person recently told me that duct tape only lasts six months. I am trying to stay conscious and so I had time to ask myself, "Self, do you wish to get in an argument over the life expectancy of duct tape?"

And besides, I was not sure. It was not my experience that duct tape rots and falls off of things twice a year but that does not mean it does not happen, so God help me, I looked it up.....

I am in a war with someone over control. I am losing. The only real power is power over self. I will not put it down. I want to do X. She says Y. Y is what is happening and except for it is not the way I would do it, it will work. Within her Y world, I do not praise her. Y is more work for the same results that X would be. Y actually takes more skill. She has that skill. I withhold the praise.

I chew.